Wednesday, June 22, 2011

First they came for Tony the Tiger


Beck Says "Obama's Food Police" Will "Take Tony The Tiger Out Back" And "Shoot Him In The Head"


First they came for Tony the Tiger,
and I did not speak out because I preferred Captain Crunch.


Then they came for Captain Crunch,
and I did not speak out because Fruit Loops are pretty good.


Then they came for Toucan Sam,
and I did not speak out because Lucky Charms are magically delicious!


Then they came for me
and there was no one left to speak out for me.

-Pastor Thers
~

25 comments:

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Obama's America: Russian bear, da! Sugar Bear, nyet!

Also, shoot Tony the Tiger in the head? Correct me if I'm wrong, but he's talking about a fucking cartoon character.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Who's a cartoon character? Tony the Tiger, or Beck?

Cuz, yeah, cutting down on the amount of processed sugar in kids' diets is JUST LIKE PULLING GOLD TEETH OUT OF THEIR MOUTHS BEFORE GASSING THEM WITH ZYKLON-B!!!!!!!

....wanted to be a little more explicit with my Godwinning.

Randal Graves said...

You know who hated sugar? Hitler.

I like corn flakes. Oh shit, I'm Hitler.

Substance McGravitas said...

Cuz, yeah, cutting down on the amount of processed sugar in kids' diets

Um, yeah. Kids. Totally.

[Crunching noises]

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I thought this was you, R.G.

I could tell from your blog posting style.
~

Another Kiwi said...

Beck is saying that this is not important. Get the economy fixed first, I think is what he is mumbling. Because he can only think of one thing at a time, obviously so can you.
And uh, flow on benefits to the economy?

vacuumslayer said...

May I just say how pissed I am I didn't get a chance to make a "me Lucky Charms!" joke?

SHAN'T!

This blog is bullshit!

vacuumslayer said...

I am a good person who eats Life cereal.

M. Bouffant said...

"Life" cereal is the worst tasting cereal I have ever et, ever.

I am totally cool w/ their coming for all the over-priced crap, but when the assault on Malt-O-Meal bagged cereals comes, I am getting my gun, spoon & bowl. And a gallon of milk.

And: Are these stupid motherfuckers so damn lazy they can't spoon a little sugar on non-frosted flakes? Weaklings!

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I am a good person who eats Life cereal.

I am a live zombie who eats good people.

Most of them have WAAAYYY too much sugar too.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Free range people make for healthier meals, zrm.

Of course, it costs time and money to get out past the Milwaukee suburbs...
~

vacuumslayer said...

""Life" cereal is the worst tasting cereal I have ever et, ever. "

You, SIR, are a bad person. Now watch me flounce away in a dramatic fashion.

vacuumslayer said...

"I am a live zombie who eats good people."


Whew! I am safe.

Another Kiwi said...

Madam is protected by the pee smell, I believe.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Of course, it costs time and money to get out past the Milwaukee suburbs...

it has been proven, sir, that a suburban lifestyle is more car-intensive, and that urban dwellers do more walking....

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

madam is protected by the pee smell, I believe.

Has anybody told her that after solid food starts, all her clothes will also have puke stains?

vacuumslayer said...

Sexiness!

Dusty,Hells most vocal Bitch said...

At least you get me to howl w/laughter at Becky..usually I am hoping I won't stroke the fuck out every time I hear something that yahoo has said.

Becky is also a hugeass drama queen. Shoot him in the head? Give me an effin break ya jerkwad.

mikey said...

Tony the Tiger frightens me.

I mean, think about it. People are sitting at their tables in their neat suburban homes, in the glare and hopelessness of early morning, shoveling processed, artificially sweetened grain products into their flabby, sagging faces, thinking about their pathetic existences, their dimly remembered excesses of the previous evening and the grinding meaninglessness of the day that stretches interminably ahead of them, when this big bipedal feline asshole with a fucking napkin tied around his neck like some kind of NFL gangbanger spun all the way up on Ritalin and Purple Drank bursts into the room and shouts "THEY'RE GREAT" without prelude or context, looks smug, as if he's accomplished something spectacular and important, and leaves unscathed, obviously to repeat this brutal crime one block over.

Shoot him in the goddam head, sez I...

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

mikey is a very clear thinker on this issue.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Pour Some Sugar On Me
~

Substance McGravitas said...

Poor Thurl is already dead.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

vacuumslayer said...

May I just say how pissed I am I didn't get a chance to make a "me Lucky Charms!" joke?


I left "cereal killer" for anyone who wanted it...
~

ms fahrenheit said...

LOL

Pour some sugar on me was good.

While I had oatmeal and blueberries,(mock me, go ahead)losing Lucky Charms would be devastating.
Now, who am I supposed to hate? Glenn Beck or President Obama?

oh, and....too late.

fish said...

Um, yeah. Kids. Totally.

[Crunching noises]


I usually blame the kids when Dr. Mrs. fish shows me the empty box.